Questions Create Reality

Questions Create Reality
Three Questions You Can Ask to Gain More Positivity and Success in Life

By Debbie Lyn Toomey, RN Health and Happiness Specialist™

“Be careful what you ask for.”

“Ask and you shall receive.”

“The answer is in the questions.”

These sayings are so true. We have to be mindful of our thoughts and the words we use in our questions because they will create our reality.

What?

Let me explain. Have you ever stopped to think about the kind of questions that you ask? Do they focus on the negative or the positive? Questions that asks for more negative answers will give you more negativity. On the other hand, questions that seeks positive answers reveal positivity.

Why?

This happens because our mind is obedient. It will find the answers to the questions that we pose. By asking what else can go wrong, our brain will scan for other events or things that can go badly. But if we ask what else do we have to work with or how can we improve on this, our brain will find ways to help rise above the situation.

Where?

One of the best things I learned while studying Positive Psychology is how important it is to focus on the good – especially when asking questions. Positive Psychology is the science of happiness and also the science of optimum human performance and flourishing. Those who practice Positive Psychology learn what is working and create practices that cultivate growth and greatness. Positive Psychologists ask what is right instead of what is wrong. It is from asking these simple yet powerful questions that the skills of happiness, resilience, and success were discovered.

Who?

Next time you ask a question of yourself or others, pause for a second and think about the real outcome that you want. Once you tune into it, pose your question in a positive way so that you will create the reality that you are looking for.

How?

Here are three questions you can ask to gain more positivity and success into your life. They are:

“What went well?”

“What can we learn from this?”

“What is right in this moment?”

I invite you to try asking these questions during the day and notice all the goodness that emerges as the result of this simple, yet powerful exercise. Enjoy reaping all the benefits that will be coming your way.

To learn more ways to gain more of what you want in life, read my book, The Happiness Result- More time, More health, More love, More success. Click here to get your copy today. Contact me at info@HealthandHappinessSpecialist.com today to learn how we can work together.

3 Ways to Win Friends and Be a Positive Influence at Work

3 Ways to Win Friends and Be a Positive Influence at Work

by Debbie Lyn Toomey



Have you ever had a bad day that quickly changed after someone did something nice for you?

Have you ever given someone heartfelt praise that left them smiling from ear to ear?

Have you ever gone out of your way to let your boss know that you appreciate him or her?

A long time ago when I worked as a nurse in an inpatient floor at a hospital, there used to be a worker called Buddy. Buddy was very popular not because he was a world renown surgeon who saved lives, but because he was a kind person who was extremely friendly and appreciative to nurses. He respected nurses and took care of us. Buddy won us over and became friends to all the nurses.

Buddy

Buddy’s job was transporting patients to and from their tests. Everyone loved seeing him because he always came with a smile on his face, a pocket full of mints, and a thoughtful statement of appreciation. Even when he was busy, he took the time to give praise or a piece of candy from his bottomless pockets. Kind deeds and heartfelt gestures are wonderful ways to brighten someone’s day.

Positive Influence

Businesses can use a lot more people like Buddy to help decrease negativity in the workplace. While it’s few and far between to have a “Buddy” in every workplace, there are ways to adopt his winning and positive gestures to be a positive influence at work.

Three Ways

Here are three ways to win friends and be a positive influence at work.

They are:

1. Time: Take a few seconds to extend your good wishes to a co-worker or a boss. This gesture is one of the best uses of your time in the workplace. In fact, consider it part of your duty.

2. Treat: Keep a stash of hard candy or gum at your work desk. Always be ready to give someone a treat. It’s hard to say no to someone bearing gifts. No matter how small the gift may be.

3. Talk: Instead of emailing someone, walk over to their desk and speak to them face-to-face. It’s always better to interact with a real person than a virtual one. Texting is cheap. Talking is priceless.

Invest

The more you invest the time in a personable communication, the more your company will see you as a positive force in the workplace. Positive people can inspire others to do more for them than negative ones. Be like Buddy and be the change you want to see at work. To learn more ways to add more positivity in the workplace, contact me at info@HealthandHappinessSpecialist.com for ways I can bring more content to your workplace.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Important for Work/Life Success

Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Important for Work/Life Success
By Debbie Lyn Toomey

“What really matters for success, character, happiness and lifelong achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ — not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”  — Daniel Goleman

When I was a little girl, I spent much of my time watching movie classics such as The Ten Commandments, The Sound of Music, Little Women, etc. I loved the stories and admired the way the main characters managed themselves during trying times. I marveled at the way the characters controlled their temperaments and were able to sense how to communicate effectively with their families and their foes. I believe they used emotional intelligence (EQ) to succeed in order to survive.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

I believe these main characters had high EQs. They all had a great sense of self and were able to use that knowledge to control and manage how they related to others. They demonstrated in their own way wonderful leadership qualities such as charisma, humor, and humility. According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.” While traditionally a high IQ was thought to be the determining factor for success, researchers have recently discovered that people with high EQ have a much higher chance of personal and professional success.

Work and Life

In today’s fast-paced world of anxiety, aggression, and distraction, emotional intelligence has never been more important both at work and in life. EQ can boost levels of happiness, enhance relationships, deepen connections, and improve quality of life. EQ helps you become more resilient and separates the “star performer from the rest of the pack,” according to Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0.

Get Started

Everyone has a certain level of EQ.  Even though there are people who are born with a higher EQ than others, there are ways to increase this talent. Fortunately, experts like Daniel Goleman believe EQ can be learned. When practiced, these skills will strengthen your character and enhance the story of your whole life. While there are many ways to boost your EQ, here are three ways to get started.

  1. Mindfulness– be present. Notice the body language of others and be mindful of your own as well. Listen fully to what they are saying and allow them to talk. Ask questions and relay back what you just heard. Doing this will help them know that you are fully engaged with them.
  2. Self-awareness– know thyself. The more you know and accept your strengths, weakness, and triggers, the more you can manage how you act and interact with others. This will help you during any unforeseen conflicts in life.
  3. Empathy– be in tune. As you talk with someone, pay attention to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it. Tune into the slight changes in their body language, vocal tone, and listen to the words that they are saying. Notice the emotions that you are picking up from them during the interaction. Study the other person carefully.

More

Have fun with these skills. Practice them when at home and at work. Allow them to become a positive habit for you so that you will gain the success that you are looking for. To learn more ways to become more mindful, self-aware, and empathic get my book, The Happiness Result. More time, More health, More love, More success. This book covers seven simple techniques to create your happy and awesome life. For coaching support or to bring a positivity in the workplace program to your company, contact me at info@HealthandHappinessSpecialist.com.

DETOX WITH MINDFULNESS & SELF-COMPASSION: FEEL LIGHTER DURING THE DIFFICULT & HEAVY TIMES

Detox with Mindfulness & Self-compassion:
Feel Lighter During the Difficult & Heavy Times
By Debbie Lyn Toomey


Are you tired of listening to negativity all the time?

Are people around you dragging you down with their complaints and pessimism?

Are you sick of all the depressing stories that the media is constantly telling us?

Constant negativity is toxic. It penetrates our mind, then our heart and eventually our body. Luckily, there are techniques we can use to get rid of the unwanted feelings that are caused by negativity. These two techniques make for a healthy detox that can help you feel secure, supported and stronger during difficult times. The techniques are mindfulness and self-compassion. These two practices have helped me feel more in control and content when life seems bleak and gray.

Heavy Feelings

Negativity is infectious. It makes us feel heavy inside. In fact, according to researchers like Rick Hanson and Barbara Fredrickson, people have a negativity bias. That means negativity stays with us longer than positivity. In order to get rid of the negativity, we need to experience three times more positive feelings than negative. It takes three positive experiences to cancel one negative one. I experienced this when my bad feelings spiraled down from focusing on more and more negative experiences. My happy self was slipping away.

My Medicine

I ate junk food to feel better. Food became my medicine. It was my quick fix. Eventually, this comfort habit made me feel worse when I began to notice my clothes getting tighter and the numbers on my bathroom scale began moving in the wrong direction! Seeing my stress translated into numbers like this was a rude awakening. I realized I had to change the way I managed my stress.

Daily Detox

What I did was a game-changer and made me feel better and happier. The daily detox that I did wasn’t the expensive kind that you buy at the store. My daily detox was free. This mindfulness and self-compassion cleanse allowed me to discern what was good for me and what was not. There are simple ways to do this detox every day.

Here are two ways to get started.

  1. Mindfulness: Increase your self-awareness by being in tune with your body. Notice who or what causes tension to your body. Scan your body and recognize where you hold your stress. Learning how your body responds to stress or any negativity will help you take healthier actions to soothe your stress. One of the easiest ways to reduce stress is by taking deep breaths. Next time you feel your body tightening from too much pressure, stop and take some much-needed breaths.
  1. Self-compassion: Give yourself permission to be human when you get caught up with everyone’s negativity. You are only human, and it happens to everyone. When you notice yourself feeling angry or frustrated, stop and label the emotions that you are feeling. This is a great way to shift from feeling badly to feeling better. Treat yourself like your own best friend; you will be happy that you did.

It is Possible

While it’s impossible to live without negativity in this world, it is possible to deal with it in healthier ways that will give you more control and happiness in your life. I invite you to try this “Daily Detox” to help you feel lighter during the difficult and heavy times.

Extra Support

If you need coaching support to help you with the “Daily Detox” contact me at info@HealthandHappinessSpecialist.com . I also suggest getting my new book, The Happiness Result, More time, More health, More love, More success. This book is a combination of self-help, science, and the power of your intuition to help you gain the happiness you are looking for. Click here to get your copy.

More on Mindfulness and Difficult People

Mindfulness is purposely paying attention to a particular experience without judgment. It is a science that has a wide range of benefits for many people in all walks of life. It has been proven to help people with physical, mental, and emotional stress. People of any age can certainly benefit from what mindfulness offers. I have taught mindfulness to many groups, such as corporations, hospitals, colleges, and wellness centers. The practice of mindfulness is helpful to everyone. It has helped me cope with my stress and I know it can help you too.

FAIRY (1)

The Practice is a Powerful Attractor

Mindfulness has a way of centering and calming not only ourselves but also those around us. One thing I have experienced and witnessed with many mindfulness practitioners is a great magnetism. This attraction has the ability to draw people towards you. People will be drawn to your positive vibes and feel supported and grounded from it.

Mindfulness Emergency Manual

This article aims to operationalize basic mindfulness techniques in order to help you apply them. Allow the techniques to be your mindfulness emergency manual when dealing with difficult individuals. The techniques have been highly effective for me and those of whom I have taught in my mindfulness workshops. While there are many different techniques that will be discussed here, please note that the application of all of the techniques can happen simultaneously and not necessarily in order. Operationalizing the steps is helpful when learning to apply them to situations that are different from the usual peaceful setting of your meditation space.

The Physical State

Being in our peaceful and powerful state is beneficial when we encounter others who want to use us as their sounding board and verbal punching bag. As mentioned in my previous article published on HuffingtonPost.com on March 7th, 2016, mindfulness can be used quite effectively when dealing with difficult people. There are 4 simple mindfulness practices that can help you stay in control of your actions in the moment and can also soothe the irate person. The person will be calmed and will leave feeling heard and satisfied.

These techniques purposely alter the physical state from feeling stressed to feeling strong. They are Mindful Body, Mindful Breathing, Mindful Listening, and Mindful Seeing. These are what I call Phase One of using mindfulness with difficult people. To learn more about these mindfulness techniques, I invite you to read my March 2016 article called: Mindfulness and Difficult People.

More Mindfulness Techniques

Phase One consists of the 4 basic mindfulness techniques that can subtly shift your stance from victim to victor. In most cases these are enough to help diffuse an uncomfortable confrontation. If however, you are having little to no progress, use the following mindfulness techniques to help you. This is what I call Phase Two. Phase Two is made of 2 mindfulness techniques that involve verbal dialogue that occurs in our mind and comes out of our mouth. They are mindful thoughts and mindful communication.

The Phase Two techniques are:

1. Thoughts– Mindful thoughts is a technique where we purposely self-monitor and challenge our negative emotions and thoughts. Using mindful thoughts avoids harmful thoughts from hijacking our mental and emotional state. These unwanted thoughts can be set off by any perceived threat from a situation, preconceived ideas and prejudices that can derail us from being fully present in the moment. In other words, our thoughts can lead us down a negative spiral of doom and gloom that may keep us from being calm and in control of our actions and the situation.

When you feel that your thoughts are being clouded by such ideas, do a quick check. Ask yourself if what you are thinking is really so. If the answer is no, change that thought by engaging your mindful body and mindful breathing to get back to the present moment. During encounters with difficult people, it’s very important to stay in the present moment because that is where your power lies.

2. Communication– Mindful communication comes more easily after we have challenged and quieted our harmful thoughts. Mindful communication, done face to face, is a way of effectively communicating and confirming to difficult people. Doing this helps them know that you are actually with them and hearing their problems. Remember, people just want someone to listen to them and help them find the best solution to their problems.

Mindful communication is a combination of slow and deliberate dialogue with no judgment, and periods of silence to allow the difficult person to speak. Mindful communication uses proper tone and pacing to further convey a sense of concern and control of the situation.

Lastly, Safety First!

Always remember that your safety as well as the safety of others is of the utmost importance. Here are some reminders for you when dealing with difficult people anywhere and anytime. They are:
– Never hesitate to ask for help when dealing with difficult people.
– Never allow yourself to be cornered by difficult people.
– Never go anywhere alone with difficult people.
– Never turn your back on difficult people.
– Never take the encounter personally.

Being Calm, Clear, and Resourceful

Use mindfulness to help yourself remain calm, clear, and resourceful during any encounter with a difficult person. The sooner you can use mindfulness during any encounter the sooner you and the other person can move on in a positive way. If you have any other mindfulness techniques that have been effective in dealing with difficult people, please share them below.

Contact us at info@HealthAndHappinessSpecialist.com for unique mindfulness programs for your company or organization.